The Death of Expectation

I live life tip-toeing through this fragile obstacle course built on the countless expectations of not only others, but worst of all, myself. I am my own worst enemy who spearheads the troops in the attack. I willingly hand over the megaphone to every voice but God’s to tell me the next step, the next decision, the next move.

I take everyone else’s words as truth except the God who knows me

What does this result in? How many years of confusion rooted in, simply, wrong directions?

I expected this career to make me feel fulfilled.
I expected to be over this struggle by now.
I expected to be a parent that could control their kid.
I expected to be happy.
I expected to be noticed.
I expected to be more disciplined and work more hours this week and less goofing off with family.
I expected not to let the rejection of some small misunderstanding spiral me into a terribly familiar place.

I expected to know what I was doing in life.
I expected to be fixed by now.
I expected not to feel like a burden to everyone.
I expected to mean something to someone.
I expected not to let the approval of others consume me.
I expected not to feel defeated.
I expected not to feel alone.

How exhausting is this?

Well, at this point, I say to Hell with these expectations. Because that’s where they belong. Times up. Time for me to lay them down with a proper burial. At last, I expect it’s time to return command to the captain of my soul and turn this battle around. Jeremiah’s words are such a beautiful example of this realistic mind trap I find myself in. But he turns it around with one thought. He stops himself in his tracks and remembers the never-failing God who has always been there for him.

“I think about all those things, and I feel small and alone. But then I choose to remember God, and this is my hope: The Lord ‘s love never comes to an end. He never stops being kind to us. Every day, we can trust him to be kind again. We know that he will do what he has promised to do. ‘He is my Lord,’ I say to myself. ‘He is the reason why I can hope for good things.’”
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:20-24‬ ‭EASY‬‬

Today, I’m choosing to remember God and see where he’s always been with me, EVEN IN my wrong turns. What if I spent my thoughts remembering his faithfulness in what could have been a worse path, had his love not been there to redirect me?

I’m here to cut off my alliance with the enemy and put to death these expectations that seek to assassinate my peace.

In fact, I seem to have completely forgotten who am I even talking to with all those false expectations? Because if it were me… If I were speaking to myself…

I would’ve also expected that I would be stuck in generational patterns of abuse, hatred, racism, toxic relationships, and addictions.

I would’ve expected not to have the strength to get up at round eight, after the seventh time falling flat on my face.

I would’ve expected not to be accepted into the family of families, after years of never belonging to one.

I would’ve expected not to have hope in a father who loves me beyond measure.

I would’ve expected to forever be a cursed child, silenced by fear, and never able to speak.

I choose this day to STOP. To STOP and REMEMBER. To remember just HOW GOOD he’s been to me. To remember that he’s pulled me from death… to life… so that I would have a story to tell… not a cycle to be stuck in.

Lord, join us together in this battle, using the reminder of your love as our victorious weapon.

Time of death – 6:38 p.m. ❤️

“To the fatherless he is a father. To the widow he is a champion friend. To the lonely he makes them part of a family. To the prisoners he leads into prosperity until they sing for joy. This is our Holy God in his Holy Place! But for the rebels there is heartache and despair.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭68:5-6‬ ‭TPT‬‬

“For the lovers of God may suffer adversity and stumble seven times, but they will continue to rise over and over again. But the unrighteous are brought down by just one calamity and will never be able to rise again.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24:16‬ ‭TPT‬‬

“Look at what I’ve done for you today: I’ve placed in front of you Life and Good Death and Evil.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭30:15‬ ‭MSG‬‬